


What We Saw From the Cheap Seats

by Griftings



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Canonically Inaccurate Pre-Stream Shenanigans, F/M, Gen, Snark, bear puns
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-15
Updated: 2016-04-15
Packaged: 2018-06-02 10:19:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,936
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6562501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Griftings/pseuds/Griftings
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>"Trinket is very useful!" Vex argues, unprompted, and Scanlan wisely says nothing because he's already been slapped upside the head by her once and he isn't interested in having it happen again.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>"Of course," Percy says again, his voice grave but with the hint of a smirk on his face, half-hidden by his book. "A very useful hiding bear."</i>
</p><p>Or, a series of conversations, held at range.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What We Saw From the Cheap Seats

**Author's Note:**

> last night was my friend's first live episode of CR since she caught up so i went over to her place with alcohol to watch with her and got Real Fucked Up and now i'm writing this the next morning with probably too much coffee, cold pizza for breakfast, and a hangover. just wanted to tell you that for your own mental images.
> 
> so i'm basically treating this fic as more of a series of writing exercises with the goal of each chapter feeling like a complete piece while also being less than 3k, since apparently i can't write anything less than 5k without putting legitimate effort into making it shorter. this is more for my own amusement than anything, but i do have a couple fun ficlet ideas that i'm excited about ovo*

Percy is surprisingly cool, for a guy that they found in a prison cell.

Vex doesn't seem to care for him much, Scanlan notes, though this is likely because they had to fork up the gold to bail him out. He's still not sure why the half-Elf is such a miser, doesn't understand it because as a performer and entertainer he's always been a bit free with his gold; Scanlan's philosophy is that if you buy your audience a few drinks, they typically get drunk enough to tip more than they would have sober and it usually evens out.

Regardless, he's clever but quiet, quick to break into conversation with a witty joke but loathe to explain why he was in jail in the first place, and for the most part the ragtag group leaves it be. After all, Scanlan himself has done some suspect things, and despite not having known them for very long he's quite certain that the twins have also done their share of ne're-do-welling.

He keeps to the back of their group when they travel, fiddling with his strange weapon that none of them are familiar with whenever they pause to rest. (Vex, curious about anything and everything that she could possibly hawk for coin, asks him about it once or twice but is always, politely but firmly, shut down by the human, which likely lends itself to her dislike of him.) And in fact, Percy is so quiet and so secretive that Scanlan wonders with Vax and Tiberius in whispers at night if it's even worth keeping him around.

These fears are assuaged within a week of springing him from jail, when the party is attacked by wolves during their search for the nymph, the first action they've seen since Percy had joined the party.

Grog rushes forward, as is typical, with Pike literally on his heels, her beautiful white hair flowing behind her and her mace lifted high. Vax, Tiberius, and Keyleth stay close to the fighting, but not too close, Vax throwing his knives and Tiberius casting spells and occasionally smacking wolves with his staff, and at some point in the commotion Keyleth shapeshifts into a dire wolf herself and charges to the front lines.

Scanlan, whose martial talents basically equate to slapping and screaming, stays at range with Vex, Trinket, and now Percy.

He's discovered during his time with these folks that being an at range fighter is essentially being delegated to the position of, what is it called again?

Ah, yes. Bench warmer.

Usually by the time Scanlan's had an opportunity to sing or Vex has loosed a few arrows, Pike and Grog have already cleared the way, especially during mediocre fights like this one. For instance, Percy hasn't even drawn his weapon, and is in fact still reading the book he'd been pouring over before they'd been so rudely interrupted.

"Does your bear always hide behind you during battle?" he wonders aloud to Vex, who's a few feet away and halfheartedly nocking an arrow, Trinket hunched up at her back and growling menacingly but doing little else.

Vex whips her head around to glare at him, but Percy doesn't see it, too busy licking his thumb to better turn a page, the glass of his curious spectacles flashing in the light of Tiberius casting a fire spell.

"No," she says vehemently, and looses an arrow without looking. Scanlan tracks its progress; it still hits a wolf, which is great, except that it hits a wolf that's just been killed by her brother, which is less great. "But there are just so many, and I don't want him to get overwhelmed."

Percy glances up from his book, eyes casting out over the makeshift battlefield. At this point all but about four or five of the wolves are dead, and Grog in fact just seems to be playing with the ones still alive, laughing tauntingly as he dodges their jaws and swipes.

"...of course," he says agreeably after a moment, and then goes back to his reading, missing the heavy frown that Vex sends his way. Scanlan himself is now less interested in the fighting and more interested in the way Pike's wiping her face and cleaning off her armor, only half-listening to the conversation.

"Trinket is very useful!" Vex argues, unprompted, and Scanlan wisely says nothing because he's already been slapped upside the head by her once and he isn't interested in having it happen again.

"Of course," Percy says again, his voice grave but the hint of a smirk on his half, half-hidden by his book. "A very useful hiding bear." There's a yelp from one of the remaining wolves; Grog must have hit his playmate a bit too hard.

Vex, bow still clutched in one hand and the other tightened into a fist, marches up to Percy and pokes him, hard, in the chest. He lowers his book and raises an eyebrow at her expectantly. "Now see here, you bastard," she starts, but is stopped by a growl behind them.

The wolf that Grog had apparently slapped to the side is now moving for the three of them, faster than Scanlan could believe an injured animal could move, and he yelps in surprise, dropping his shawm, as it lunges at Vex's exposed back. Trinket roars and Vex twists, bringing up her bow, but as quick as a flash Percy has lowered his book and drawn his weapon with his free hand, extending it over Vex's shoulder and actually resting his forearm against her as if to steady his aim.

There's a loud, resounding crack, and Vex shrieks, startling back into his chest as the wolf drops unceremoniously, bleeding heavily from a wound in its shoulder that's so small Scanlan can't even see it beneath the fur.

There's a moment of silence, all of the other members of the party turning to stare at them in surprise before Grog quickly goes back to dispatching the few wolves that are left.

Scanlan, ears ringing from the blast of Percy's weapon, sees Vex blink a few times and swallow before turning around, grabbing Percy's book from his hand, and whacking him in the shoulder with it.

"What the--"

"I'm deaf!" she cries shrilly. "I don't know what the _fuck_ you just did, but I'm deaf! I can't hear shit! What the fuck!"

"What the fuck?" Vax echoes her, rushing forward and doing nothing to stop his sister from bruising Percy's arm with his own book. It's not like it's really hurting him, he looks more annoyed than anything else. "Percival, the fuck was that?"

"That was me killing a wolf that was about to eat your sister," he says, voice raised a few octaves defensively, dodging away from Vex with a frown. She follows him with the book briefly, getting in a couple more good smacks, before he ducks to the side. "What would you have suggested I do, let it have a nibble?"

"Not fucking explode something in my ear!" she replies, louder than is perhaps necessary, and then pulls back to wipe at her earlobes with one hand as if checking for blood. Trinket noses past Percy, who jumps in surprise, to get to his master, groaning at her in concern.

"At least what _I_ did was useful," Percy snaps, gesturing at them with his weapon, which still smokes faintly from the tip. Vex recoils at the motion and then steps forward, chin held high and one hand on Trinket's flank. Vax doesn't seem to know quite how to react, torn between confusion on his sister's behalf and gratefulness that Percy apparently killed their enemy.

"What," Vex hisses, poking him in the chest with the spine of his book, "are you implying?"

Percy's eyes narrow at her from behind his glasses and he draws himself up to his full height. "Nothing," he answers after a moment, glancing between the two twins and Trinket as if realizing he's a bit outnumbered. "My apologies. I'm used to the sound, and I sometimes forget that other people can't bear it."

"Well, what is it, Percy?" Scanlan himself asks, finally interjecting himself into the conversation, curiosity out-weighing the instinctive urge to stay away from confrontation. "I've never seen a weapon like that before. Where'd you get it?"

"It's a gun," Percy answers, a hint of pride filling his voice as he holds it out for them to see, though still gripping it protectively, clearly not inviting them to touch. "I built it with my own bear hands."

Vex cocks her head at him suspiciously.

"You'll have to bear with me, though," he continues, and Vex shares a brief look with her brother, who shrugs, "making ammunition for it is difficult and time consuming, so I prefer to conserve shots."

"How powerful is it?" Vax asks, leaning in to get a better look; again, Percy seems fine like letting them inspect it so long as they don't touch.

"Fair enough, though I'm still playing around with it. Against smaller foes like this it'll get the job done, but against, say, a dragon, it'd bearly leave a scratch."

Up ahead, Pike calls out to them, "It's clear now, guys!" They all turn and look to see her running a hand through her hair, head cocked at them in concern. "Everyone okay over there? Anyone hurt? I can heal you."

Before Scanlan can yell out anything in reply ( _Of course not you precious angel, please conserve your strength, and might I say that your bosom looks exceptional when it's heaving in exertion_ ), Percy says, voice raised to carry over to the front of the party, "No, thank you, it's nothing we can't bear."

Vex leans towards him, eyes narrowed into slits. "Are you..."

"Hmm?" Percy looks over at her, eyebrows raised, the picture of innocence, and Scanlan, who caught on to the joke after the second pun, tries desperately to stifle a snort. "Am I what?" When she just stares at him, unsure how to respond, he hums again and smiles, holstering his gun into his belt. Scanlan wonders if he's ever been concerned about accidentally shooting off a testicle. Maybe he already has? It'd explain the sassiness and sarcasm if he felt like he had to compensate for something.

No, nevermind, his pants are too tight for that, Scanlan would be able to tell.

"Shall we be off?" Percy asks, clapping his hands together and looking between the three of them. "We've still got a bear of a hike ahead of us." And then he saunters off, coat snapping behind him as he turns to make his way towards the front of the party, where Keyleth is looking over at them curiously and Grog is cleaning the blood off his axe with the train of her cloak while she's not paying attention.

"I hate him," Vex growls, making no effort to quiet herself, and Trinket rumbles at her, nudging her with his head. Percy pauses briefly to glance over his shoulder at her and wink, and Vex draws an arrow threateningly but by then he's already caught up to Keyleth, who's just noticed the blood on her clothing and is squawking unhappily.

"Fuck, he's cool," Scanlan says to himself, then yelps when Vex flicks him across the head with the fletching end of her arrow and stomps off, Trinket and Vax following, the male twin mumbling to himself, "I am so confused."

Scanlan rubs at the back of his head and grumbles. He's got a feeling that between the two of them squabbling, fighting with them at range is gonna be _unbearable_.

**Author's Note:**

> i bet percy was, like, just a huge prick when he first joined up


End file.
